Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
