It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
