I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
