Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
