you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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