ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
