so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
