Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
