Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
