Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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