Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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