my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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