do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
