I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
