grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
