Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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