At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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