quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
