I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The power of my boobs compel you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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