did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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