i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
