Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
