The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
