man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
