I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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