as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
love makes seman taste better
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
