when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
