Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
