I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
