ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
