Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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