And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
