I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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