If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
