Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
