Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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