Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
