so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
