I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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