Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
