My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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