The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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