Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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