Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
