dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
