I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
