Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
