angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
