An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
