Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
