Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
